Prior to the “I do” commitments a future bride will dream of the perfect man. That perfect man will become her dreamy boyfriend, who then asks for her hand in marriage, making him a dashing fiancé, and soon thereafter a wonderful husband. After we get the proposal ring and the planning sets in motion, there isn’t a day that goes by where we don’t wonder how our life will be. We think about the future children, pets, our quaint home with a picket fence, BBQ gatherings with nearby neighbors, and holidays with our newly created, big, happy family. I haven’t done any research but it is my belief that most married women are able to achieve this dream or come extremely close to doing so. Those women aren’t lucky, they are blessed.
Then, there are the remaining wives that long for all the things mentioned but know that their dream of fun filled family gatherings will never happen. Why? This depends on who you ask, but it all boils down to a lack of respect between them and their in-laws. This is not a “who is to blame” blog post by any means, this is actually a hope post. It is my hope that reading these words and watching the video will give you some encouragement that you aren’t the only wife that has or will ever deal with in-law issues. It is also my prayer that the offended wives realize that no matter what, growth must occur on both sides in order for a fruitful family relationship to form.
I encourage each wife to spend time with God through prayer and fasting and then discuss this issue with your husband in a safe space. I also encourage you to realize that you control and are responsible for your own reactions and actions. Let the love of Christ be present in every single response given to those that you’ve offended or that have offended you. Forgive and ask for forgiveness, even if you deemed your actions were necessary at the time. Revenge is not the way! Revenge is NEVER the way!
Next, I want you to step outside the situation and look at it from your in-law’s perspective. Adjusting to a new relationship can be hard and some family members just don’t want to let go. Also, find out how your husband’s family members were treated when they married into the family. Chances are, they were treated the same way and don’t even understand why the bad behavior is being repeated. Of course this isn’t a statement to excuse any mistreatment but an opportunity for you to create change in your household. Break the curse by showing the fruit of God’s spirit so your children and future in-laws will have a great transition into your family. In a perfect world the blending of all families through marriage would be seamless and joyful transition. Just because your story isn’t perfect doesn’t mean you still can’t have that happy ending.
Lastly, bathe your situation in prayer and ask God for reconciliation, restoration, joy, and peace between all parties involved. God is more than able to heal your hearts toward one another; you just need to be willing to apply the growth and maturity he is requiring from you. Again, your relationship with your husband’s family is not just about you. Your (future) children deserve to see their parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. getting along. These great relationships may not form overnight, but hold on to the hope that God hears you and one day you’ll be sharing your testimony to encourage someone else.
To hear my Top 2 Tips for Handling Overbearing In-Laws check out my recent video.
You can find additional marriage encouragement in my previous blogs posts:
Make this week peaceful,